Music & Mindset

Music is an art, but it can also be a tool.

I never exercise without music. A good fast beat can energize me and get me pumped for my workout. I also enjoy calm music or scores when I have to focus on writing or reading.

Since I was a teenager, music has been a tool that I use to set my mood. If I’m feeling down, an upbeat song can make me happier. If I need to calm down for some reason, I always turn to my favorite indie band, Death Cab for Cutie, to make me feel relaxed and slow my breathing. I often listen to them on a plane when I trying to fall asleep and block out the noise.

I set the pace and intensity of a workout by the playlist I choose that day. A harder, rougher sound motivates me to push myself. A lighter tone can be good to get my heart rate up while I do cardio. I have a few playlists on my phone that I am always using, but occasionally I like to shake things up and use something created by Spotify. I can always change it during a rest while I’m working out if its not my jam.

Music can also motivate me when I’m not feeling up for a workout one day. I set the music to more upbeat pop or my favorite genre — emo/punk. By the end of the first song, my mood is usually elevated and I feel more confident about what’s to come.

Even as I write this entry, I’m listening to a selection of scores, mostly from shows and movies. I prefer shows lately, because movie soundtracks can be too iconic and well-known to blend into the background. At this moment, I picked scores from the shows Arrow and Supergirl. Arrow tends to be darker and grittier in its tone, while Supergirl is lighter and more hopeful. I don’t really notice when they are playing, but it helps me concentrate and get into the flow state while I write.

I mostly use speakers to play my music, both in my home gym and in my office. In my gym, I have a Google Home Max speaker that wirelessly plays Spotify off my phone. I can control it by voice, so I don’t have to fiddle with my phone if I’m in the middle of something. My office speaker is a Marshall bluetooth speaker that sits on my bookcases. I’m not a stickler for sound quality, so I can’t tell you which one is better. Both serve their function, which is what I care about most. If I’m out and about shopping or walking, I use either my Bose headphones or earbuds by Skullcandy. Again, I’m looking for features unrelated to sound quality. I use the Bose mostly on airplanes or if I’m in a coffee shop working. The earbuds are mostly used to listen to podcasts while I’m shopping.

I hope you consider your relationship to music while working out or going about your lives. It has been a major component of my life, and I wouldn’t be able to function without it.


What Makes One an Athlete?

My favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg, once joked that if he discovered he had athlete’s foot, he’d say, “That’s not my f***ing foot!”  I never considered myself an athlete as a kid.  I didn’t fit with that group of kids in school, despite playing some softball in middle school.  I am a bad team player and I much preferred doing Tae Kwon Do to playing a team sport.  As an only child, I learned early to rely on myself and I am too stuck in my own ways to work well with others.  I hated group projects in school.  I’m off-track, but, to my point, I was not an athlete before in my life.

Last month, I bought a Whoop fitness tracker.  The initial set up asked what kind of athlete I am for my profile.  I was annoyed that there was no option below casual athlete.  I marked this box, but it made me wonder.  Am I an athlete now?

I’ve been actively working out for over a year now, since February 2019.  I have lost over 60 pounds and gained muscles I didn’t know existed.  I can deadlift 200 pounds and run and do things I’d never dreamed were possible a few years ago.  I recently bought two knee sleeves for hyper extension issues and these are a game-changer.  I find myself pushing harder and longer.  After months of stagnation, my workouts have increased in intensity and frequency.  I find solace in my local gym, something that continues to baffle me.  I’ve made workouts routine.  But does all of this make me an athlete?

I’ve dwelled on this question and I’ve found an answer.  Although it may sound cliché, one is only an athlete if one has an athlete’s mindset.  I am still learning the limits of my body, but I have drive and commitment to be better every time I set in the gym.  I often think back to an embarrassing moment during my first day when my trainer was assessing my skills, or lack thereof.  I became stuck in an awkward position while attempting a bodyweight squat and had to fall over to get myself out of it.  I was deeply annoyed with my body and frustrated, but now I am not ashamed of that moment.  It was the start of my journey and now I can not only squat easily, I can deep squat with weight.  I’m learning so much about what my body can do.  I’m only limited by my mindset.  But with an athlete’s mindset, there are no limits.




Me in 2014 at Nigara Falls

I was directionless.  I’d graduated college last December but remained in the same small town.  On a manic whim, I wanted to buy a building on Main Street and start a bookstore.  Luckily, the bank said no.  I was generally depressed, especially with the long winter still ahead of me.  In October, my Mom and I had taken a road trip to the East Coast to see an area of the US we’d never seen.  We’d had fun in Boston, Niagara Falls, and Maine.  Vermont was beautiful.

On another whim, with no jobs open to me in my little town, I applied to the graduate program at my old university.  I don’t think I’d get an acceptance letter until the next month.

Most of my day was spent in a depressed stupor.  I napped most days.  I would watch television, Netflix, and read.  I was very inactive, and I survived on a diet of pasta.  I loved to make a pot of goulash and save the rest for lunches and dinners afterward.  I wasn’t interested in cooking.  I ordered takeout from the local Chinese restaurant or terrible Italian place.  Typically, I made my own breakfast: eggs, turkey bacon, and toast.  I drank too much Coke with vanilla or straight Coke.  This habit would become much worse when I’d have to power through hours of homework in grad school.

I didn’t exercise or even leave the house if I could help it.  Most days were spent at home with my two dogs, Lucy and Desi.

I weighed around 260-270 pounds after gaining over 50 pounds two years before.  I’d been put on a new medication, which made me ravenously hungry.  I didn’t realize that I was eating way too much, often filling myself with very unhealthy food.  The weight gain made my depression worse, as I felt bad mentally and physically.  I was never athletic but during my undergraduate years, I’d been active and somewhat healthy.  I ate better then and didn’t overindulge.  I was comfortable with my body size in 2012; I weighed a bit too much, but I wasn’t obese.

Two years had changed my body to a sluggish, inactive mess.  It would remain that way until 2019.




Me in 2019 (November) at Galaxy Con Minn

I’ve been working hard since February to change my body, when I walked into a gym and signed up with a trainer.  I’d moved to the area at the beginning of the month to be closer to my parents and extended family.  It took me nearly a month to follow up on my desire to change.

When I joined my local gym, I was 293 pounds and deeply unhappy.  Although I’d been working with a student-trainer from 2017-2018, I’d stopped for the winter and gained 15+ pounds.  The thought of being 300 pounds made me upset and extremely depressed.  I knew gaining weight back in 2012 hadn’t really been my fault but now I’d had to live with it.  I’d been living with it for 7 years.  I knew I needed a dramatic change.  My move was an opportunity to create a new start.

Ten months later, I’ve lost 50 pounds after a great deal of work and some setbacks.  Since February, I’ve been going to the gym three times a week, with a few exceptions like travel.  I’ve scaled back my pasta habit considerably.  Instead, I enjoy cooking meals at home or eating a Chipotle chicken bowl.  I now monitor my diet, logging every meal and snack.  I don’t drink Coke anymore.  Occasionally, I’ll have one can of Zevia cola mixed with water to take away it’s sweetness.  Otherwise, I drink water or sugar-free Powerade.  My diet is limited to 1700 calories per day.  I don’t eat candy or inhale pasta like I once did.  I walk an average of 7000 steps per days.  I can lift 140 pounds.  When I first started, I couldn’t squat without getting stuck in an awkward position.  Now I can do back squats with weight.  I’m physically the strongest I’ve probably ever been.

My mental health has been stable for months with only a few mild bouts of depression.  My lows are small and brief.  My highs are limited and manageable.  In my adult life, I’ve never been this mentally healthy.  After a workout, I feel an incredible boost both mentally and physically that I’ve never known before.  A natural high.  I’m the most active I’ve been since I was a preteen.  I never played sports in high school.  In middle school, I played softball.  Before middle school, I ranked up to red belt (just below black belt).  I deeply enjoyed marital arts, but I stopped when I couldn’t level up to senior red belt.  As a child, I was wild and playful, staying outside from morning until dinner.  I spent most days roaming our family farm.  I watched Saturday morning cartoons and Aladdin and Hook (both on repeat) after I’d spent the day outside.  Otherwise, I didn’t spend much time in front of a screen.




I see myself happily active and weighing between 170-180 pounds, a healthy place from my frame.  I cook at home and actually enjoy doing it.  I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, in the mornings.  I work on writing afterwards, when I’m mentally alert.

I like to jog around my neighborhood or on local trails.  Maybe I’ve taken up hiking.

I can do back squats well and deadlift 200 pounds.

I continue to be mentally stable, but I check in with my therapist monthly.  I’m comfortable in my body.  I own nice gym clothes that I’ve invested in.  My wardrobe of clothes fit well.

I’m strong physically and mentally.  I let myself enjoy cheat meals without feeling guilty.  I don’t overindulge.  I like protein powder.  Maybe I can make smoothies at home.

I generally feel calm and content, at peace.

I don’t gain weight, especially during the winter.  I like looking in the mirror.

I’ve become what I always pictured when I imagined myself as an adult.


Self-Talk and Mental Health

Over the past year (2019), I’ve been working hard to change how I talk to myself mentally.  My biggest hurdle was my inner voice.  It often tells me to give up and let it go.  But during the last few months, I’ve noticed a change of tone and dialogue.  Instead of “Give up; it’s okay,” I hear, “I’ve got this; you can do it!”  This makes me push myself for one more rep, one more minute, one more whatever.

This change has altered my mindset completely.  I don’t just give up and quit when faced with a challenge; I try to keep going until I’m satisfied, or I can go no more physically.  It has created new mental discipline I’ve never had before in my life.  The only time I remember pushing myself physically is when I did Tae Kwon Do as a preteen, almost two decades ago.

My new mindset has had such a positive effect on my mental health.  I tend to be acutely aware of my mood and mental wellbeing, since I’ve dealt with bipolar disorder and anxiety since I was 15 years old.  Over the past few months, I’ve noticed a general smoothing out of the swings I typically experience.  My highs are less severe, and my lows are less devastating.  My bounce-back time has also become shorter, from depressed to stable in only a day or two.  That’s not to say that my mental illness is gone; it is just less intense.

I crave the mental boost brought on by a good workout.  It helps carry me through my day, especially during long dark winter days.  That said, I know winter and January in particular will test my newfound mental stability.  The holidays make early winter more palatable, but after New Year’s Day, it is one long laborious wait until spring.  It usually takes an immense toll on my mental and physical health.

I need to keep telling myself, “You’ve got this!”


“Routine” is a catch phrase for my therapist.  She has been telling me to develop and stick to a routine for 15+ years.  I have created several routines over the years, often based on college schedules and deadlines.  Now that I’m out of grad school, I have found my lack of routine to be a huge problem.  I have not written much in the time since I graduated in May of 2018.  I need to change this situation and the key is routine.

I have amazing freedom when it comes to how I spend my time.  My day is a blank page, and, as a writer, that makes it my enemy.  I can’t focus on a task, so I have to use an app like Freedom to block sites and apps that distract me easily.  I basically need to make my laptop into a typewriter to accomplish any work, especially without a looming deadline.  My routine is also easily thrown off by sickness or travel.  I always have to rebuild my routine after such occasions.  But life is filled with trial and error and, well, life.  Shit happens.

The biggest rule of building a routine is to start simply.  Block out chunks of time on a calendar to know what your day looks like in a clear and quick format.  Always plan more time than you think you’ll need to achieve a task.  Humans are terrible about estimating time.  Use colors and labels to create distinct areas of your life, i.e. blue is personal, red is work, etc.  (For more advice on this topic and many others, I recommend checking out Thomas Frank.)

Set out a single task to do at one time and do it fully.  Emerge yourself in your work.  Learn to focus.  Don’t over-crowd your day (if possible) when you first begin; start small.

I begin with one key habit to build a routine.  Then I add to my schedule each week.  But this is my method.  My key habit is exercise.  I see my trainer three times a week.  Then I add a chunk of time in the afternoon for writing, when I have found I am most productive and mentally clear.  Then other habits and tasks fall in place.  I leave one day a week for household chores, like cleaning, and that tends to fall on Saturday.

Although this may seem really simple when I lay it out here, it takes time and effort to build and maintain a good routine.  I have one general rule that I stole from Matt D’Avella: never miss two days in a row.  If you flub one day, that’s fine.  But don’t let it become a pattern.  Don’t let it happen two days in a row.

My Disenchantment with Technology

You can blame this blog post of Cal Newport.

After reading his book Deep Work [Amazon], I became interested in his ideas and ordered a hardcover copy of his newest book, Digital Minimalism [Amazon].  While not dismissing the benefits that technology has created in our lives, Newport goes on to examine the habits that have led to phone addiction.  I am guilty of such an addiction.  Over a year ago, with extremely important deadlines pressing in on me, I deleted the social media apps from my iPhone.  However, once those deadlines had passed, I added them back onto my phone and carried on scrolling for hours on end.  If I was bored, I found myself scrolling Facebook or Twitter mindlessly.

However, a few days ago, I deleted Facebook again from my phone.  I also limited the amount of time I could use the remaining social media apps to thirty minutes a day.  In these last few days, I have found myself calmer and more focuses.  I don’t check my phone nearly as often.  I don’t feel the desire to scroll while watching television.  I have been reading regularly again, despite thinking before that I didn’t have the time in my day.


Newport’s Defintion of Digital Minimalism

I still have bad tech habits.  I watch too much YouTube daily.  I constantly check my calendar because I forget my schedule for the day.  But I am working on these habits as well.


This brings me to another point that I’ve recently realized.  I usually jump when a new iPhone is released.  I always think the new product is an improvement on the older model I have in my possession.  But lately, I noticed that I didn’t get the new model when I came out.  I almost didn’t notice it and I couldn’t tell you the name of the newer version.  I own an iPhone 8 Plus, which has 256 GB of storage, more than enough for me.  The screen is fine, although I need to replace the chipped screen protector.  I think I had my current phone for almost two years, and I don’t plan on upgrading in the near future.  Honestly, I have no desire to do so.  I even recently looked at purchasing a Google phone, but it lacked the storage capacity I require.  The only reason I have stuck with Apple is because I became enamored with their products in college.  I am typing on a MacBook Pro, I own an iPad Pro, and an Apple Watch.  But as I come to rethink my relationship with technology and, frankly, its effects on my mental health, I have become more mindful of the devices around me.  I would like to phase out my Apple Watch, but I value its fitness features, although I’m beginning to weigh those against the constant nagging on my wrist.  The only reason I wouldn’t switch to a conventional watch is that I have to keep track of my steps and other data throughout the day.  Aspects I once found appealing—the notifications, the Siri voice feature, etc.—now annoy me.  I’d rather wait to look at my phone, in my own leisurely time.

Rethinking my use of technology has led me to understand that the constant bombardment of messages, notifications, and data has been causing me unneeded anxiety.  I already have generalized anxiety; I don’t need my devices added to it.  So if you message me, I may not respond quickly, a quality that used to frustrate me with other people.  I am taking a lesson from Newport’s book and being mindful of the tech around me.  I am even experimenting with analog habits like paper journaling.  Oh, what a brave new world.

Thinking about Meditation

For the past 177 days, I have been meditating daily.  I wanted a way to “switch off” before bed in order to fall asleep faster.  After a few false starts, I have kept the habit going for almost six months.  Before developing this habit, I had never really meditated.  While many starts with YouTube videos of guided meditation, I didn’t go that route because I was worried I’d get distracted by other, more exciting videos.  Instead, I downloaded an app called Headspace onto my iPhone (I believe there is a version for Android as well).  Many may find the act of meditation as too crunchy or hippie for their tastes, which I completely understand.  I did not look to mediation for a spiritual experience.  I merely wanted a way to quiet my brain before bedtime.  Headspace, for me, does a great job at handling both the long history of meditation, as well as the facts about what happens when a person meditates.  According to the Headspace website: “[W]e see meditation as both a practice rooted in ancient history and a topic of modern science.  This is why we are as equally committed to providing authentic expertise in meditation and also studying the science of meditation” (LINK HERE).Unknown

There are many benefits to meditation according to the research that has been done.  Some of these benefits include: reduced stress, better emotional health, enhanced self-awareness, and improved sleep, among many others (LINK HERE).  The Headspace website even includes peer-reviewed studies on the list of benefits (LINK HERE).  But, again, I am not pushing this on anyone.  I just found that it works for me.

In the past 177 days, I have meditated for a total of 24 hours over the course of 231 sessions.  I have integrated mediation into my nightly routine.  I turn on the app and select from one of its many courses.  I only do between 3-10 minutes per night, although I find myself more focused the longer the session.  Since I began this routine, I have found myself slipping easily off to sleep at night, instead of overthinking and tossing and turning before sleep happens.  It has made me feel more rested in the mornings and more aware throughout the day.  I’ve always been told I was a self-aware person, but this routine has helped me realize my own thoughts more.  I can usually catch myself when I’m too deep into my own head.  I highly recommend this app or any others out there.  I should also mention that the Headspace app isn’t free.  If that holds you back from trying it, please do look for other options.  Any mediation is better than none at all.

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What is Hypomania?

The image of the maniac is ingrained in our culture.  What is a common image of mania?  While I hate to perpetuate the stereotype, I even think of Jack Nicholson in The Shining, hacking through a door with an ax.

What do you think of when you hear the word mania?  You may imagine a business person, working long hours and getting things done.  You may even discount the term mania because you think it is a harmless thing, like Sonic Mania or Mattress Mania, where some spokesperson in a commercial shouts “These low prices are crazy!”8E4463B6-F3FD-4B1C-916B-5C333B453D80.png

But that is not the normal or reality for most people struggling with mania.  How would I know?  I know because I have bipolar disorder and I often deal with something very similar to mania, which is hypomania.

What is Hypomania?

First, let’s look at a definition because I’m a good English scholar.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, mania is “one of the aspects of bipolar (manic-depressive) mood disorder, characterized particularly by euphoria, grandiose thought, rapid speech expressing loosely connected thoughts (flight of ideas), decreased need for sleep, increased physical activity, and sometimes delusions or hallucinations” (OED).

But I said hypomania, not mania.  So what does hypomania mean?

Hypomania is defined as “A minor form of mania, often part of the manic-depressive cycle, characterized by elation and a feeling of well-being together with quickness of thought” (OED).  But this definition, in my opinion, is underselling the condition.  As someone with bipolar disorder, I occasionally suffer from hypomania and it is far from simple.

The Reality

When I’m hypomanic, I can go with little or no sleep.  Despite this lack of sleep, I feel an extreme boost of energy, like lightning in my veins.  I speak quickly, think quickly, zip around the house like The Flash or Quicksilver.16377486875_bd27a6a6a2_o

I am invincible.  I can do no wrong.  Every idea is pure gold.  I need to buy that useless something when I don’t have much money in the bank.  My mood changes on a pin, from happy to angry to irritable.  I forget to eat.  I think up a thousand new projects that need to happen now.  Then I reach a tipping point.  I become highly aware that I’m out of control.  I’m dangerous to myself and those around me.  I need to stop.

But I can’t stop.  I can’t focus.  I can’t come down off this high.  My thoughts and actions become foreign to me, to the point of annoyance.  I can’t control myself.

Then the crash. My seemingly endless amount of energy falls to E. Unknown.jpeg

Now there is only regret and exhaustion.  Can I return this item on Amazon or in store?  Do I really want to start a podcast?  When was the last time I had a meal?  I did what?

Depression begins to creep in.  I go from Flash/Quicksilver to some slow turtle creature.  My life becomes boring and everything takes effort, like walking through Jello.

What Can Be Done? 

When I describe this process to people, they are usually stunned.  Then they all ask the same question: How do you recover?  Here, I’d like to break down my answer.

First, I have to acknowledge that yes, I am hypomanic.  I am experiencing something that may feel wonderful at the time but it will pass.

Second, I try to minimize the damage.  I avoid, which is my Kryptonite (apparently, I have superheroes on the brain today).  If I cannot avoid Amazon, I put all the things I want to buy in my Wishlist or my Cart, but I do not press “Buy.”  For food, I stock my fridge with easy-to-make items and snacks.  I schedule my day to include meals and I will sometimes set reminders telling me to eat.


Third, I take advantage of it.  The ideas that come when I’m hypomanic can be great.  But I don’t pursue them all.  I write them down in a notebook or an app like Evernote.  I get everything out of my head when it hits.  Maybe one day, I’ll start that podcast, but not today.  Once the ideas are out, I don’t have to dwell on them.

Fourth, I try not to let it interrupt my schedule.  My hypomania is typically tied to my monthly cycle, so I know when it is coming.  I block off days that I know I will be hypomanic and do not try to be productive on those days.  If I have an appointment, I try to reschedule.  But some things can’t be avoided.  If I have classes or something that can’t be moved, I tell the person in advance that I’m feeling a little off today, just a heads up.  I don’t go into detail unless I have to; they don’t always need to know.

Last, I try to fight it.  I try to sit down and write or read with no distractions.  I use my energy to clean the house–might as well put it to good use. (PS- I generally hate cleaning, but when I’m hypomanic, it is a great outlet.)  I try to be calm and not give into the hyper energy that I feel coursing through my body.  This doesn’t always work, but I try, which I feel is more important.


While hypomania, or mania, is not a walk in the park, it is manageable.  The key to dealing with it is the same key to dealing with any aspect of mental health: self-awareness.  Look at the patterns in your life.  Notice things that seem to crop up.  Keep a journal or even a mood journal.  I use an app on my iPhone called iMoodJournal, which is also available on Google Play (link here).  I’ve been using this app for over a year and it is great for tracking moods and patterns.

Also, know that you are not alone.  There are many people who struggle with the same things.  Reach out.  Ask your friends and family for help.  Ask your doctor.  Look for communities online.  I am a member of a few groups on Facebook, including TWLOHA,  who remind me that my struggle is valid and I don’t have to be in it alone.

Note: If you want to reach out to me, you can reach me on Twitter @LeslieJClaussen or via my website,

A Case of Delicate Feminine Nerves: Female Madness in Gilman’s “The Yellow Wall-paper” and Treadwell’s Machinal

Written by Leslie J Claussen


In 2009, the Pulitzer Prize winning musical Next to Normal opened on Broadway.  The plot centers around a housewife, Diana Goodman, who struggles with bipolar disorder and delusions.  Next to Normal begins with Diana in a manic state as she sings how her family is perfect and that she will “hold it all together / I will hide the mess away / And I’ll survive another day” (Yorkey 12).  As the song progresses, she frantically prepares a mountain of sandwiches and sings, “I will keep the plates all spinning / And the world just keeps on spinning / And I think the house is spinning…” (Yorkey 14).  This is the audience’s introduction to Diana and her mental illness.

Over the course of Next to Normal, Diana is treated with medications and electroconvulsive therapy.  She discovers that her teenage son is a delusion, and she learns that he passed away when he was only a baby.  Diana is told by her psychiatrist, Dr. Madden, to “Make up your mind to explore yourself … Then make up your mind to be well” (Yorkey 45).  However, she is later told by Dr. Madden that mental health treatments are not an exact science, and she experiences a moment of clarity when she decides to go without treatment and leave her husband and daughter.  Diana sings, “I’ll try this on my own / A life I’ve never known / I’ll face the dread alone… / But I’ll be free” (Yorkey 97).  In a move that might be seen as selfish, she leaves her loved ones to explore life without the safety net of her family.

The story of Next to Normal is a descendant of “The Yellow Wall-paper” and Machinal.  In the span of a century, many factors in the stories have changed, from medical terms to style, but the core element remains the same.  All three texts look at a woman who is suffering from some form of mental illness, trying to escape the societal confinements placed upon her.  However, as I argue below, Diana is the only one who is able to successfully break away from her condition.  She does not heal herself per se, but she learns to live a life that is “next to normal” as she discovers her own strength and does not need to rely on her family and doctor.  The women of the modernist texts do not forge their own paths like Diana; they do not break away from the pressures of society.

Next to Normal, “The Yellow Wall-paper,” and Machinal all belong to a category of texts that Susan J. Hubert labels “women’s madness narratives” in her book, Questions of Power: The Politics of Women’s Madness Narratives.  This paper will explore the latter two texts, “The Yellow Wall-paper” and Machinal, as narratives of female madness and ask whether these narratives achieve their goal of challenging societal norms.  To begin, a brief history of madness beginning in the eighteenth century will establish the foundation to understand the historical contexts of Gilman’s and Treadwell’s narratives. I will then turn to women’s madness narratives themselves and the typical critical view of female madness as empowering.  The core of the paper will be an examination of “The Yellow Wall-paper” and Machinal as madness narratives.  It is my thesis that “The Yellow Wall-paper” and Machinal demonstrate that gender is complexly intertwined to ideas of madness and neither madness nor gender can be fully escaped.  Although scholars hold that female madness is a mode of empowerment, I disagree and will show how the women of these narratives fail to overcome societal demands.  By exploring these links in the modernist period, it is my hope that parallels will appear concerning current ideas of gender and madness.

American Nervousness and Gendered Medical Practices

Hysteria was on the rise in the late Victorian period according to many doctors.  The famous American physician Silas Weir Mitchell nicknamed the disease “mysteria” for its mysterious and various symptoms.  Mitchell’s English colleague, George Beard, explained the commonly held view of hysteria, saying, “nervousness is a physical not a mental state, and its phenomena do not come from emotional excess or excitability or from organic disease but from nervous debility and irritability” (qtd. in Scull 93).  Hysterical women were seen as lacking moral fiber and the will to control their bodies and minds.

To be fair, hysteria did not appear only in women.  Some men were also treated for hysteria and the new nervous disorder of “neurasthenia.”  George Beard coined the term and defined it as a weakness of the nerves, a condition caused by too much work and stress (Scull 95).  The disorder was also known as “American nervousness.”  According to Andrew Scull in Hysteria: The Disturbing History, “Among Americans, male and female alike, it was the country’s economic and cultural superiority that provoked so many nervous crises” (95-6).  Doctors and the public believed that humans were like batteries and their nervous energy, literally the amount of energy in their nerves, could be depleted.  When the nervous energy became too low, the hardworking, often upper middle-class men and women would have a nervous breakdown.  Scull notes, “Neurasthenia was a disease of the distinguished, of the best and the brightest, of the wealthy and the cultured, for it was these segments of society who were most exposed to the stresses and pressures of modernity, whose nervous systems were stretched tightest, eventually to breaking point” (Scull 96).  Hysteria and neurasthenia could be difficult to distinguish from each other; therefore, this paper will use the term hysteria to simplify the matter.  American nervousness was seen as a badge of honor, a sign that proved one was industrious and professionally driven.  This condition was documented in medical texts and appeared in popular culture, including literature and theatre.

The struggle of the hysterical woman is featured in two wildly different texts from the modernist period: Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s short story “The Yellow Wall-paper” and Sophie Treadwell’s play Machinal.  Gilman’s tale is a personal response to her own experience with what today would be labelled post-partum depression.  Treadwell’s play is also based loosely on the murder trial of Ruth Snyder, which intrigued the nation in 1927.  Gilman and Treadwell wrote their respective works at very different times in the modernist period: Gilman published her story in 1890 while Treadwell’s play did not debut until 1928.  In addition to the distance in time, Treadwell’s play is highly stylized in the expressionist mode.  However, both Gilman and Treadwell are confronting the same subject of female madness in the modernist era.  The texts explore their cultural moments by questioning what it means for a woman to have a case of delicate feminine nerves.

Women’s Madness Narratives

“Yellow Wall-paper” and Machinal are stories that can be categorized as “women’s madness narratives,” a phrase from Hubert.  While Hubert focuses on the autobiographical narratives of madness, it is important to note that Machinal does not seem to fit this mold.  The little research I unearthed on Treadwell’s play does not mention madness.  However, I assert that Machinal is a woman’s madness narrative just as much as “Yellow Wall-paper.”  I will explain the model of Hubert’s women’s madness narrative by examining Gilman’s story.  In the next section, I will transpose that model onto Treadwell’s Machinal.  First, however, I will provide a brief history of the women’s madness narrative and the changing ideas of women and madness that led up to the modernist period.

When “The Yellow Wall-paper” was republished in 1973, many second-wave feminists hailed it as a story of rebellion.  Sandra M. Gilbert and Susan Gubar considered Gilman’s tale as a woman escaping the world of patriarchy in their key critical work, Madwoman in the Attic.  They read the eponymous and obnoxious yellow wallpaper as “correspond[ing] to the façade of the patriarchal text” (Gilbert and Gubar 90).  After republication, the story and its author were recognized as new feminist icons and the story became a staple of anthologies.

Women’s madness narratives are often seen as the story of a woman overcoming her oppressor.  According to Gilbert and Gubar, “The Yellow Wall-paper” brought together “what women writers tend to see as their parallel confinements in texts, houses, and maternal female bodies” to create “a striking story of female confinement and escape, a paradigmatic tale which seems to tell the story that all literary women would tell if they could speak their ‘speechless woe’” (89).  While I do not fully agree with this traditional reading of “The Yellow Wall-paper,” the realities behind Gilman’s story fascinates me far more than this cursory reading allows.

The madwoman has a long and colorful history that reaches back to literary creations such as Cassandra.  The woman is often seen as speaking nonsense that is later revealed to be prophetic or otherwise important.  Shakespeare used the madwoman trope in Hamlet when he wrote the character of Ophelia.  Charlotte Brontë famously employed the figure in Jane Eyre that Gilbert and Gubar later investigated in their large critical tome.  These are just a few examples that come to mind, although there are many more.

Elaine Showalter, another feminist scholar focused on female madness, describes the reception of the madwoman image as a two-sided figure.  Showalter writes in The Female Malady: Women, Madness, and English Culture that madness was and remains to be seen as either “one of the wrongs of woman” or it is considered “the essential feminine nature unveiling itself before scientific male rationality” (3).  In other words, female madness is either a horrible fate that befalls a woman or a woman’s feminine essence breaking free of patriarchal social bonds.

The reality of female madness is not as clear as this double model suggests.  While gender played an important factor in the view of female madness, there was also a class structure at play.  As Marianne DeKoven and many others point out,[1] nervous conditions like hysteria and neurasthenia tended to strike down a wealthier class of women.  As mentioned above, conditions like “American nervousness” were reserved for the women who could afford treatments.  For example, Gilman belonged to a well-established family, so she could pay to see the top specialist, Silas Weir Mitchell.  Although she detested the rest cure he prescribed, she was able to seek treatment which other women could not afford.

Weir Mitchell, Gilman’s doctor, was a leading specialist in the field of nervous disorders in nineteenth century America.  He was part of a larger, international trend that surfaced at the end of the previous century.  According to Denise Russell in Women, Madness, and Medicine, it was in the late eighteenth century that psychiatrists “started to refer to specifically female mental problems as if there had been a new medical discovery” (18).  While everyone realized that male and female biology differed, it was this group of doctors who began to divide mental illness by gender.

Women were seen by these gentlemen of medicine as lesser than their male counterparts, even when it came to mental disorders.  Henry Maudsley was a colleague of Weir Mitchell and part of what Showalter labels the “Darwinian psychiatrists” (121).  According to Showalter, these Victorian psychiatrists, including Henry Maudsley, used Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution to explain that the mind and mentality of the sexes was inherently different.  Darwin himself agreed with this idea (Showalter 121-23).  Darwinian psychiatrists believed women were therefore inferior to men and only capable of giving birth and caring for children.

Hysteria was used to justify not only a woman’s lack of mental prowess, but it also served as a scapegoat if the woman in question was behaving in a negative manner.  Maudsley claimed that “some hysterical women were morally perverted” (Russell 19).  It was believed that these ethically questionable women could transmit their madness and perversion to their children, but only if those children were daughters.  Darwinian psychiatrists held the view of women were weaker creatures who could not handle any intellectual stimulation.  As Showalter writes, “Mental breakdown, then, would come when women defied their ‘nature,’ attempted to compete with men instead of serving them, or sought alternatives or even additions to their mental functions” (123).  It was a no-win situation for women who developed hysteria.  Their only hope was a remedy.

The cure that Weir Mitchell devised would drive a sane person mad in short order.  One of the doctor’s patients was Charlotte Perkins Gilman, who was seeking help for what modern psychiatrists now recognize as postpartum depression.  Like the woman in her story, which was inspired by her rest cure procedure, Gilman was isolated and confined to bed rest.  After one month of this treatment, she was sent home with the following prescription from Weir Mitchell: “Live as domestic a life as possible.  Have your child with you all the time … Lie down an hour after each meal.  Have but two hours’ intellectual life a day.  And never touch pen, brush, or pencil as long as you live” (qtd. in Hubert 64).  The rest cure did not work.  As Gilbert and Gubar note, Weir Mitchell’s cure was worse than the disorder it hoped to cure and caused Gilman to suffer more than before (89). Gilman did eventually become well and wrote a fictional account of a woman experiencing the rest cure in “The Yellow Wall-paper.”

“The Yellow Wall-paper”

Gilman called “The Yellow Wall-paper” “a description of a case of nervous breakdown” (qtd. in Gilbert and Gubar 89).  Her experience with Weir Mitchell’s famous rest cure lead her to write the story.  She even sent a copy to Weir Mitchell to show the damage his “cure” did to women.  “The Yellow Wall-paper” is a classic example of Hubert’s women’s madness narrative.  Although Gilman’s story is not autobiographical, the author infuses much of her own rest cure experience into the short story.

In “The Yellow Wall-paper,” the narrator, who is never given proper name,[2] is confined to a room inside a rented “colonial mansion” to take the rest cure (Gilman 3).[3]  Her husband, a doctor, does not allow her to do anything, including write in her journal.  She defies this order, claiming “not a living soul” will read the story that she’s written on “dead paper” (Gilman 3).  Although her husband, John, is trying to help his wife, he does not truly believe that she is sick.  The narrator questions, “If a physician of high standing, and one’s own husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression—a slight hysterical tendency—what is one to do?” (Gilman 3-4).  Seemingly helpless in the face of male medical authority, the narrator tries to obey her husband by quitting all mental activity.  The problem she faces is that the room she is confined in has horrible yellow wallpaper.  Gilman writes, “I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this thing [the wallpaper] was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or alteration, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of” (10).  Over the course of the story, she is both repulsed and fascinated by the paper, noting its odd features and patterns.

Assured that her case is not serious and told by John that “there is no reason to suffer,” the narrator becomes obsessed with the patterns of the wallpaper (Gilman 6).  The narrator spends her days in bed, bored and longing to go outside into the lovely garden she can see from her window.  When she writes, trying to describe the room and the garden outside, her interest always returns to the wallpaper.  She describes the room as once being a nursery and then a gymnasium, with rings on the walls and barred windows for the safety of the children.  When she brings up the horrible décor to her husband, she is told that her thoughts on the matter are just “fancies” and the narrator feels silly “to make him uncomfortable just for a whim” of changing the wallpaper (Gilman 6-7).  Alone in the same room for days at a time, the narrator begins to personify the wallpaper; but soon there is a turn for the worst.  She writes, “This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had!” (Gilman 7).  The narrator begins seeing a woman in the paper, trapped behind what appears to be bars.  She recounts her childhood habit of seeing faces in furniture, as she now sees a woman in the paper.  Of course, the brain is a curious thing, and it is common to see a face in an object, like a dresser, when there is obviously nothing there.  However, the narrator starts to give personality to the paper woman.  She notes that the figure is “a strange, provoking, formless sort of figure, that seems to skulk about behind that silly and conspicuous front design [of bars]” (Gilman 9).  The narrator is beginning to lose her grip on reality.

The rest of the short story tracks the narrator’s descent into madness over the course of a few months.  In her own words, she becomes “dreadfully fretful and querulous” (Gilman 9).  Soon the paper woman is seen not only in the wallpaper, but outside in the real world.  When the narrator tries to talk to her husband about it, she is swiftly dismissed.  As time passes, a strange relationship evolves between the narrator and the wallpaper.  Where she was once revolted by the wallpaper and its pattern, she now becomes obsessive and possessive of it.  The narrator writes in her journal, “no person touches this paper but me, –not alive!” (Gilman 18).  The paper becomes parasitic as the maid says that “the paper stained everything it touched, that she found yellow smooches on all my [the narrator’s] clothes and John’s” (Gilman 14).  The lines between the wallpaper and reality blur when the paper woman escapes the bars of the pattern.  The narrator helps the paper woman as they both pull and shake and “peel off yards of that paper” to free the women behind (Gilman 18).  The two women merge into one as the husband rushes in to find the narrator/paper woman “creeping just the same” around the room, causing the long “smooches” along the wallpaper (Gilman 20).  When her husband faints at the sight, the hybrid woman continues her creeping routine, walking over him as she circles the room, carving a groove (smooch) into the walls.

When Gilman’s text was republished in the 1970s, many feminists found the story a case of a woman overcoming the confines of patriarchal society.  After all, Gilman’s tale ends with a woman literally stepping over her husband who has passed out from shock.  However, more recent scholars have complicated the formula of the madwoman escaping patriarchy through her madness.  In her article, “Managing Madness in Gilman’s ‘The Yellow Wall-paper,’” Beverly A. Hume suggests, “Despite her triumphant unmasking of medical (predominantly male) gender bias in this tale, Gilman’s narrator falls apart so completely in the end that she tends, unfortunately, to reinforce the common nineteenth-century gender stereotype of the emotionally and physically frail nineteenth-century woman” (12).  Hume points out that Gilman wrote other stories later that resolved the issue she sees in “The Yellow Wall-paper.”  Hume continues, “Although Gilman’s narrator’s final collapse threatens to sabotage the author’s indictment of nineteenth-century medical (male) gender bias, she does not finally succeed in doing so—and manages, through indirection, to suggest the kind of remedy Gilman would explore in later reform fictions” (12).  Gilman’s story “Dr. Clair’s Place” features similar themes of madness and gendered medical practices, but the protagonist becomes a caretaker of other madwomen instead of succumbing to madness, like the narrator in “The Yellow Wall-paper.”

Another fault Hume finds with Gilman’s story that I agree with is Gilman’s view of madness and mental illness.  That fault is the idea of choosing to be mentally ill.  Hume explains her point by stating,

This yellow world [of the wallpaper] is one in which a ‘woman’ can only become imprisoned, unable to recognize her rage, and unable to move (or even barely creep) beyond her delusions.  Transforming into this [paper] woman, the narrator becomes as monstrous, frightening, and unpredictable as she imagines the yellow wallpaper to be.  Thus, Gilman illustrates here … that there is a choice involved in health issues, particularly those related to mental health. (16)

The narrator does not come to terms with her madness but chooses to give into the paper woman and creep around the room endlessly.  Gilman’s character does not show how one can improve or come to terms with madness, but instead the story reinforces, as Hume notes, the stereotype of a Victorian woman as weak and frail.  Although Gilman’s goal of exposing the faults of the rest cure are admirable, her text does not succeed in giving a voice to women suffering from mental illness.

While Gilman’s “The Yellow Wall-paper” is an example of Hubert’s woman’s madness narrative.  However, the story ultimately fails to resolve the issues it sets out to tackle.  The narrator does not become well after her rest cure but instead descends further into madness.  While many critics see the narrator’s madness as a form of rebellion, I believe a better act of rebellion would have been found in a return to health and sanity or at least a recognition of her mental health issues.  Even if the narrator continues to creep over her husband, she is still locked in a prison of her own making.

Unlike Diana from Next to Normal, the narrator never knows a life of freedom after her treatment.  Although Gilman does not write about the woman’s life after her merge with the paper figure, she will likely be sent to an asylum for the rest of her life.  Despite claims that the narrator is free from patriarchal authority, she will likely never be sane again.

The narrator of “The Yellow Wall-paper” has much in common with Sophie Treadwell’s protagonist in Machinal.  Both women face restrictions when expressing themselves, either in writing or in speech.  While Gilman’s character is nameless, Treadwell’s character is denoted in the play as “Young Woman” although the audience learn her name is Helen.  Overall, Gilman and Treadwell create women who are generic, almost archetypal in their design.  They are the everywoman, driven to madness by societal pressures to conform to gender norms.  The question is, can Treadwell correct the faults that Gilman struggles with in her text?


Sophie Treadwell’s Machinal is a play about Helen, a woman who is unhappy with her life and job in a big city.  In a twist on the medieval Everyman play, Treadwell writes an allegorical tale of an average woman who goes through the typical stages of adulthood: work, marriage, and childbirth.  As the play unfolds, the audience learns that Helen is unhappy with every part of her life.  In fact, the only time she finds peace is when she has an affair with a man after they meet at a speakeasy.  She finds her husband disgusting, especially his fat hands.  She does not seem to care or take interest in her child.  Helen progressively starts to hate her life.  The play culminates in Helen murdering her husband.  She is put on trial, found guilty, and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Gilman wrote “The Yellow Wall-paper” in the late nineteenth century, at the dawn of the modernist period.[4]  Treadwell’s Machinal was written in 1928, almost three decades later.  Much had changed in the world of modernism.  While Gilman wrote in a semi-surreal but mostly naturalistic style, Machinal uses the techniques of Expressionism in her play, which developed after the turn of the twentieth century.  The Expressionist highlights the emotions of a moment (in painting, theatre, etc.), and the theatrical branch focused closely on the stylized portrayal of the characters.  Generally speaking, Expressionism, in all of its forms, was concerned with the nature of feelings.  In his essay “Modernism in drama,” Christopher Innes explains,

[O]ne major modernist concern was the depiction of interior experience, where reality is the subjective apprehension of the world, and art is an ‘impressionist’ record of ‘stream of consciousness.’  In drama the equivalent is expressionism, which seeks to represent … the subconscious … [T]he Expressionists’ focus on archetypes intrinsically denies the validity of both the individual ego and intellectual awareness. (138)

Key figures of Expressionism, such as Bertolt Brecht and Wyndham Lewis, championed dehumanization and alienation to reflect the disconnect of the modern industrial world.  Although the Expressionist movement was strongest in Germany during the first three decades of the twentieth century, it did influence international theatre and spread to Great Britain and the United States.

Machinal is loosely based on the 1927 murder trial of Ruth Snyder, an American housewife who killed her husband.  Working at a journalist at the time, Treadwell was inspired by Snyder’s story and the reaction of the press during the trial.  Snyder’s case made national news, and many papers chronicled every twist and turn of the trial.  She was found guilty and sentenced to die by electric chair.  A cunning reporter snapped a photograph of Snyder in the electric chair, and it was circulated in the newspapers, to everyone’s horror.  Treadwell quickly wrote Machinal and the play was staged on Broadway in 1928.

Unlike Gilman’s story, Machinal is not the subject of much scholarship.  Therefore, my claims about this play are sailing into uncharted territory.  As previously stated, I argue that Machinal belongs in the same subgenre as Gilman’s “The Yellow Wall-paper” as both are women’s madness narratives.  And as with the case of the narrator in “The Yellow Wall-paper,” Helen in Machinal fails to overcome social restrictions with her madness.

As a play, Machinal often focuses on sound, language, and silence.  The background is often littered with sonic noise and many characters speak in a stylized manner.  In the article, “Treadwell’s Neologism: Machinal,” Ginger Strand notes that Machinal “reveals itself to be a play about the law of language: the hand of narrative ultimately sentences the protagonist not only to death, but to silence” (163).  Strand posits that Helen cannot speak the language of men and law, so she struggles to express herself and her desires.  In the first episode, “To Business,” Helen tries to explain why she is late to her coworkers.  Helen speaks of how she felt on the subway coming to work, “All those bodies pressing … I thought I would faint!  I had to get out in the air! … Like I’m dying” (Treadwell 6).  During this moment, her fellow workers break up her lines of dialogue, not allowing her to finish her thoughts.

Helen is perpetually alienated from the world around her, often through the noise and grind of modern life.  As Treadwell writes in the notes to the play, “The Plan is to tell this story by showing the different phases of life … and in none of which she finds any place, any peace … Business, home, marriage, having a child, seeking pleasure—all are difficult for her—mechanical, nerve nagging” (Treadwell xi).  Although Treadwell was inspired by the Snyder case, she also infused one key autobiographical element into her play.  As Judith E. Barlow explains in the play’s introduction, Treadwell “suffered from debilitating illnesses (with symptoms resembling those attributed to Helen in Machinal)” (qtd. in Treadwell vii).  Jerry Dickey suggests that Treadwell suffered specifically from neurasthenia and she was treated for her nervous condition with electrotherapy (qtd. in Weiss 8).  In a move similar to Gilman’s indictment of Weir Mitchell’s rest cure, Treadwell’s conclusion is an uncanny mirror of electroshock therapy as Helen is executed by means of the electric chair.

The “mechanical, nerve nagging” environment of the play wears on Helen as the audience sees her deal with neurasthenia.  Helen’s dialogue is her only outlet for her thoughts.  Several times in the play, she expresses herself in “mad speech” or what might be labeled spoken l’écriture féminine.  During these rare moments, she seems to ramble on about nothing, free associating words and phrases.  In the first instance of this mad speech, Treadwell’s directions note that Helen is “thinking her thoughts aloud—to the subdued accompaniment of the office sounds and voice” (11).  Her monologue is a series of stops and starts, moving from subject to loosely connected subject.  While contemplating marrying her boss, George H. Jones, she begins, “Marry me – wants to marry me – George H. Jones – George H. Jones and Company – Mrs. George H. Jones” (Treadwell 11).  She voices her disgust about Jones by saying, “Fat hands – flabby hands – don’t touch me – please – fat hands are never weary – please don’t” (Treadwell 11).  Helen then imagines her future as Mrs. George H. Jones: “married – babies – a baby – curls – little curls all over its head – George H. Jones – straight – thin – bald – don’t touch me – please” (Treadwell 11).  Helen repeats the phrase “bodies pressing” and continues to free associate words as she ends by saying, “can I, ma? Tell me, ma – something – somebody” (Treadwell 12).  This last utterance of the word “somebody” will return in the last scene.

In a similar moment of mad speech, Helen finds herself alone in a hospital room after she has given birth to a child.  In a long monologue of sorts, she moves from wanting to be left alone, to her childhood pet, to heaven and St. Peter at the gate, and so on.  As the speech concludes, she declares “I’ll not submit any more – I’ll not submit – I’ll not submit” (Treadwell 31).  However, her desire to not submit will fail.  Both the words “somebody” and her demand to “not submit” will be echoed in the final episode.

After Helen murders her husband, she is found guilty and sentenced to death.  In the final episode, “A Machine,” the audience sees her on her last day.  Harkening back to Gilman, Helen is surrounded and confined by male authority in this scene and throughout the play.  As Helen sits in jail, she is prayed over by a priest.  When a man sings a “Negro spiritual,” she finds more comfort in the song than the priest’s words.  She says, “He helps me” about the singer and adds, “I understand him.  He is condemned.  I understand him” (Treadwell 78).  When two barbers come in the shave her hair, she is outraged.  She yells at the barbers, “I will not be submitted – this indignity! No! I will not be submitted! – Leave me alone! Oh my God am I never to be let alone!  Always to have to submit – to submit! No more – not now – I’m going to die – I won’t submit! Not now!” (Treadwell 79).  Helen does submit, against her will, to the machine of society and the electric chair.  In her last moment, she begins to call out: “Somebody! Somebod—” when her voice is “cut off” and we hear only the priest’s prayers (Treadwell 83).  Her cries of resistance are stopped by a machine designed to efficiently execute criminals.  While Helen tries to remain rebellious until she is silenced forever, she does not escape the confines of society, the law, and male authority using her madness.

Therefore, much like Gilman’s narrator in “The Yellow Wall-paper,” Helen does not succeed in using her madness to resist societal norms.  She marries a man who repulses her, fails to meet the standards of motherhood, and her act of murderous defiance ends not in a blaze of glory but an unfinished plea.  Several decades after Machinal, Next to Normal would pick up the call to action of the woman’s madness narrative.  Where Helen fails and does not express herself and her desire in life, the character of Diana moves beyond (male) medical authorities as she accepts her mental illness.  Only by coming to terms with her madness can a madwoman truly be free.  Helen’s expression of rebellion, the murder of her husband, does not end in her independence but rather her death by the state.


The final song in Next to Normal sums up the desired outcome of a woman’s madness narrative.  Together, the family sings, “We’ll find the will to find our way, / Knowing that the darkest skies / Will some day see the sun— / When our long night is done … There will be light” (Yorkey 104).  While Diana finds her way to the light at the end of the musical, Gilman’s narrator and Treadwell’s Helen do not accomplish their goal of overcoming male authority and social restrictions.

As this paper demonstrates, neither “The Yellow Wall-paper” nor Machinal are successful women’s madness narratives in that neither woman overcomes her situation using her madness to defy society.  Gilman’s narrator concludes her story lost in a prison of her own mind, wandering around in circles around the room.  Helen is rebellious in the murder of her husband and her affair; however, she is defeated by the law.  She is executed as her words of madness are silenced forever.  Permanent insanity or death are not ways out of a patriarchal society; these women have their lives cut short, never to reach their full potential.  These narratives fail to show a way out of the constricting norms using female madness as a tool.  Next to Normal, on the other hand, provides a possible escape from the looming restrictions of society.

The answer to why Diana succeeds where her foremothers fail is beyond the extent of this paper.  Perhaps the progress made by feminists in the years between the 1920s and the twenty-first century can account for the differences in the narratives.  Whatever the case, it is important to understand that madness or mental illness is a complex issue, riddled with complications influences by gender, class, and environment.  There are no easy answers to questions brought up by mental health, if there are answers at all.  One can only hope to be like Diana, to find the light and learn to live with the pain.




Works Cited

DeKoven, Marianne. Rich and Strange: Gender, History, Modernism.  Princeton UP, 1991.

Gilbert, Sandra M., and Susan Gubar.  The Madwoman in the Attic: The Woman Writer and the Nineteenth-Century Literary Imagination.  Second edition.  Yale UP, 1984.

Gilman, Charlotte Perkins.  The Yellow Wall-paper and Other Stories. Modern Library, 2000.

Hubert, Susan J.  Questions of Power: The Politics of Women’s Madness Narratives. U of Delaware P, 2002.

Hume, Beverly A.  “Managing Madness in Gilman’s ‘The Yellow Wall-paper.’” Studies of American Fiction, vol. 30, no. 1, 2002, pp. 3-20.

Innes, Christopher.  “Modernism in drama.” The Cambridge Companion to Modernism. Edited by Michael Levenson, Cambridge UP, 1999, pp. 130-56.

Russell, Denise.  Women, Madness, and Medicine.  Polity P, 1995.

Scull, Andrew.  Hysteria: The Disturbing History.  Oxford UP, 2009.

Showalter, Elaine. The Female Malady: Women, Madness, and English Culture, 1830-1980.  Pantheon Books, 1985.

Strand, Ginger.  “Treadwell’s Neologism: Machinal.”  Theatre Journal, vol. 44, no. 2, 1992, pp. 163-175.

Treadwell, Sophie.  Machinal.  Nick Hern Books, 1998.

Weiss, Katherine.  “Sophie Treadwell’s Machinal: Electrifying the Female Body.”  South Atlantic Review, vol. 71, no. 3, 2006, pp. 4-14.

Yorkey, Brian.  Next to Normal. Theatre Communications Group, 2010.

[1] Such as Russell, Hubert, and Scull.

[2] There is a debate as to whether the character is named Jane or if she is the woman behind the wallpaper.  For clarity, I will refer to her as the narrator.

[3] All page numbers refer to the Modern Library paperback edition.

[4] Although there is much debate about the exact beginning and ending of the modernist period.

“We are Infinite”: Catharsis, Trauma, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Written by Leslie J. Claussen


In Poetics, Aristotle writes, “Pity and fear may be aroused by spectacular means; but they may also result from the inner structure [plot] of the piece” (37).  In other words, a spectacular event may excite pity and fear, but Aristotle prefers that the plot create this stimulation of emotions in the audience members.  The arousal of pity and fear is a process Aristotle called “catharsis.”  In present-day terms, catharsis is defined as the “purification of the emotions by vicarious experience” (“catharsis”).  The process of catharsis is a natural release of buried or denied emotions based on a connection one assumes with a character in a piece of fiction.  This will be explored through my connection to a character in The Perks of Being a Wallflower and its relation to the trauma that the character has suffered.

In his book, Catharsis in Literature, Adnan K. Abdulla suggests that some of the following stages are included in the process of catharsis: “The spectator undergoes an emotional excitation because of his identification with the hero. When the play ends, the emotional excitation is resolved, and the spectator begins to feel repose and serenity” (9). When a spectator identifies with a character or “hero,” he or she makes a connection with that character.  At the end of the play, the emotional link is resolved, and the spectator feels a sense of release after his or her emotional excitement calms. The steps of catharsis result in more than simply repose and serenity: the process has positive effects for everyone involved.

Catharsis may benefit both the audience and the society in which they live.  According to T. J. Scheff, Aristotle “believed that catharsis had extremely important consequences for the audience, as individuals, and as members of a community” (150).  The release felt during catharsis helps alleviate both the individual and the shared emotions and anxieties of the audience.  In this way, catharsis acts as a form of therapy.  Catharsis works to transform pity and fear into an experience that feels pleasurable.  As Richard Kearney states, “[C]atharsis invites us a) beyond a pathology of pity to compassion and b) beyond a pathology of fear to serenity” (52).  Compassion and serenity can be reached through the catharsis received from the experience of seeing a tragedy, reading a novel, or watching a film.  In other words, catharsis can occur while someone is engaging in a story.  “We experience stories. Such experiences shape us in ways that abstractions cannot, for they appeal to all of what we are as human beings—feeling and meaning-making beings with bodies, not just reasoning” (Allen et al. 44-5, my emphasis).  The experiencing of a story, the connection we create is something most of us usually do not think about when reading or viewing a story.  To illustrate the act of catharsis, I shall refer to the film The Perks of Being a Wallflower, directed by Stephen Chbosky.  One scene in particular, set in a mental hospital, caused me to personally undergo catharsis; I made a strong connection with the lead character, Charlie, due to his experiences of trauma and mental illness.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a story of trauma and the possibility of triumph.  The film follows the character Charlie (Logan Lerman) as he tackles his first year of high school.  Over the course of the film, the audience learns that Charlie has experienced a trauma that is never clearly explained in the film.  At a party, he lets it slip to Sam (Emma Watson) that his best friend, Michael, committed suicide last May and did not even leave a note (Chbosky).  Seeing a fellow “wallflower” in Charlie, Sam and her stepbrother, Patrick (Ezra Miller), both seniors, befriend the lonely freshman.  Patrick, a young gay man, is in a relationship with the closeted quarterback Brad Hays (Johnny Simmons).  When Brad’s father finds the two together, he beats Brad, who in turn beats up Patrick in the cafeteria after he tries to suggest the real reason for Brad’s bruises.  Charlie steps in to defend his friend.  Suddenly, everything goes black, as experienced by Charlie.  When he comes back, his knuckles are bruised, bloody, and his hand is shaking as everyone around is staring at him.  Not knowing what he has done, he threatens, “Touch my friends again and I’ll blind you” (Chbosky).  This is the first hint at what might be wrong with Charlie.  However, it is only one of the instances in which Perks translates trauma for the screen.  It is Charlie’s traumatic past that drives the film and the resulting catharsis.

Trauma, as defined by leading theorist Cathy Caruth, is “an overwhelming experience of sudden or catastrophic events in which the response to the event occurs in the often delayed, uncontrolled repetitive appearance of hallucinations and other intrusive phenomena [such as blacking out]” (qtd. in Duggan 23).  An act, which is never identified in the film, haunts Charlie throughout the film.  His Aunt Helen (Melanie Lynskey), who died getting Charlie his birthday present when he was younger, committed an act that is only hinted at[1] that causes Charlie to relive the trauma of it.

Dominick LaCapra proposes, “[T]rauma sufferers have a tendency to ‘relive the past, to be haunted by ghosts or even to exist in the present as if one was still in the past, with no distance’” (qtd. in Duggan 4).  Perks represents Charlie’s trauma via Aunt Helen in the manner LaCapra describes.  Charlie’s trauma is relived when something in his present triggers a rupture of that present by the past.  The film does this with small bits of memory, as young Charlie is seen living through the times that will traumatize him.  These are not smooth flashbacks or dream sequences, rather they flit and jump between past and present, in some cases resembling a montage more than a straightforward scene.  These events, which Charlie may have not fully experienced at the time, are relived and rehashed again and again.  Therefore, as Patrick Duggan explains, trauma creates “a constant present” which repeatedly invades Charlie’s life (25).  He is caught in a loop he cannot seem to escape, as the trauma is never allowed to heal because it is constantly being relived.  The trauma is never properly in the past.  As Duggan summarizes, “Thus, there is no adequate representation or narrativization of the original event, but enough that that event persists in a cyclical, ritual repetition which perpetuates a disruption of linear time, memory and consequently, notions of selfhood” (27).  This cycle has to be broken before a trauma sufferer can begin to heal; otherwise they will continue to relive their trauma.  Even the sufferer’s very idea of self cannot be separated from their past trauma.  Consequently, Charlie’s past can never be defined because it never is past, which causes him to have trouble in the present; his very experience of self is interrupted by his wounded past.

Charlie writes letters throughout the film, which are conveyed in voiceover.  This device draws the viewer further into the story: we feel that Charlie is addressing us, which increases the possibility for catharsis.  His first letter at the beginning of the film reveals that people think he is “the weird kid who spent time in the hospital,” and he has not “talked to anyone outside [his] family all summer” (Chbosky). Charlie admits to having visual hallucinations, which Caruth suggests is rooted in his traumatic past.  When the audience first meets Charlie, he has been in a “bad place” and he worries “that [he] might get bad again” (Chbosky).  Considering that his friend’s suicide probably triggered a breakdown, he experiences another breakdown towards the end of the film.

After an extremely heightened moment when he contemplates suicide, the film jump cuts to the image of Charlie in a hospital room.  This hospital scene features a small moment most people would miss.  Unless you have had a breakdown and have felt those emotions, you may not see it.  But I see that flicker of fear in Charlie, in that moment he asks the doctor about being the person who sees the pain, and in turn, carries it all inside.  The fear of being labeled insane, wanting to “stop it,” as Charlie says (Chbosky).  The physical movements, the jerks and stutters that happen when you cannot always control your body.  It is a small moment, but it is very real.

As a viewer, I was moved.  My emotions, as Abdulla suggested, were excited.  The surface and the deeper levels of my emotions were awakened during my catharsis.  The surface level responded to the image of a young man in a mental hospital, while my deeper emotions found a connection in the fears of the character: the fear of being unhealthy enough to need hospitalization, and the helplessness of being mentally ill.  These are the fears that come with mental illness, the terror of not being able to function without serious medical intervention.  Seeing Charlie feel these fears may have led to my personal catharsis.  “Catharsis is the release of tension experienced by the reader [or viewer] who lives through the character’s situation, sharing his or her motivations and conflicts, and the story’s climax, surprises, and resolution” (Allen et al. 45, emphasis in original).  I not only lived along side Charlie throughout the film, I connected with his situation on a certain level.

The connection I felt to the character of Charlie helps me personally.  As stated before, catharsis acts as a form of therapy.  As Laurence J. Kirmayer explains, “Narration may heal by allowing symbolic closure, bringing a sense of completeness … to the fragmented and chaotic elements of illness experience. It may transform the meaning of experience by conferring metaphorical qualities or blending representational spaces” (595). I put my life experiences into Charlie’s story and invested in his triumphs.  When Charlie is happy, I am, by extension, happy as well.

However, it is also important to have a distance in place when watching a drama and going through catharsis.  In the theater, there is the division of the audience by means of the stage.  In film and television, a screen of some kind separates the viewer.  And a novel is only ever paper in the end.  As Kirmayer clarifies,

Reading a story may provide catharsis as one is moved through a narrative landscape that mirrors one’s own experience in important respects, but at an optimal aesthetic distance … created by the use of aesthetic devices that are rooted both in the metaphorical structure of representations and in particular cultural modes of performance. (596)

By keeping a distance in place, I (or any viewer) am able to detach from the story when the film, drama, or novel ends.

By the end of Perks, the last fifteen minutes having excited catharsis and a sense of joy and release, it is the promise of a happy ending that leaves me feeling elated.  This feeling and promise are expressed in Charlie’s final letter/voiceover.  Soaring through the Fort Pitt Tunnel, standing in the bed of Patrick’s truck, he declares, “We are infinite” (Vancheri; Chbosky).  Stephen Chbosky explains what he wrote, saying, “In the face of all that pain, they [Charlie and his friends] feel the possibilities for the future are infinite” (“Notes” 13).  The potential of a happy ending for Charlie and his friends brings home the experience of Perks.  Charlie has started to heal.  He has reached a new normal that many who suffer through mental illness must accept, as their new life will never be the same as it was before.  However, Charlie is no longer alone.  He is no longer “both happy and sad [and] … still trying to figure out how that could be” (Chbosky).  His family and his new community of friends are his support.  The catharsis I feel seeing this may be a glimpse into the mirror of fiction, where I see a bit of myself.

Charlie says, “Please don’t try to figure out who I am.  I don’t want you to do that.  I just need to know that people like you exist” (Chbosky).  Well, I may never be able to fully decode Charlie and the trauma he has suffered, but I can relate to him, which I think matters more.  In the end, we–the viewers–are the “dear friend” to whom he writes his letters.  Chbosky made the following comment about writing the novel of Perks: “I was not trying to please everybody or reach everybody.  I was just trying to tell my own truth…  I authentically told my story, and I think that people respect that” (“Notes” 3).  The power of Charlie’s story comes from the reality of it; his past trauma is a way for the audience to connect with him as a character.  Charlie’s traumatic past and his triumph as he begins to heal at the end of the film is what touches the viewer and causes a moment of catharsis.


Works Cited

Abdulla, Adnan K. Catharsis in Literature. Bloomington: Indiana UP, 1985. Print.

Allen, James R., Sandra F. Allen, Kathy H. Latrobe, Michael Brand, Betty Pferrerbaum, Brenda Elledge, Tracey Burton, and Matthew Guffey. “The Power of Story: The Role of Bibliotherapy for the Library.” Children & Libraries: The Journal of the Association for Library Service to Children 10.1 (2012): 44-49. Academic Search Premier. Web. 9 Sept. 2013.

Aristotle. Poetics and Rhetoric. Trans. S H. Butcher. New York: Barnes and Noble Classics, 2005. 1-92. Print.

“catharsis.” b. Oxford English Dictionary. 2013. N. p. Web. 10 Sept. 2013.

Chbosky, Stephen, dir. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Perf. Logan Lerman. 2012. Summit Entertainment, 2013. DVD.

Kearney, Richard. “Narrating Pain: The Power of Catharsis.” Paragraph 30.1 (2007): 51-66. Academic Search Premier. Web. 10 Sept. 2013.

Kirmayer, Laurence J. “Toward a Medicine of the Imagination.” New Literary History 37.3 (2006): 583-605. JSTOR. Web. 10 Sept. 2013.

“Production Notes.” The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Summit Entertainment, 2012. 2-13. Web. 9 Sept. 2013. <>.

Scheff, T J. Catharsis in Healing, Ritual, and Drama. Berkeley: U of California P, 1979. Print.

Vancheri, Barbara. “The perks of a Pittsburgher: Back home, Stephen Chbosky directs a film version of his novel.” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette 1 June 2011. Web. 13 Sept. 2013.

[1] Chbosky has never revealed it but the suggestion is either child abuse or incest/rape.